The way things were.....

"I was talking to my Dad about current events the other night. I asked
him what he thought about the shootings at schools, our immoral President,
the computer age and just things in general."

He replied:..."Gee, let me think a minute...................

I was born before television, penicillin, polio shots, frozen foods,
Xerox, contact lenses, Frisbees and the Pill. There weren't things like
radar, credit cards, laser beams or ball-point pens. Man had not invented
pantyhose, dishwashers, clothes dryers, electric blankets, air conditioners and
he hadn't walked on the moon. Your Mom and I got married first-then
lived together. Every family had a father and a mother, and every kid over
14 had a rifle that his dad taught him how to use and respect.

Until I was 25, I called every man older than me 'sir'; and after I turned 25, I still
called policemen and every man with a title, 'sir.' In our time, closets  were
for clothes, not for 'coming out of.'

Sunday's were set aside for going to church as a family, helping those
in need, and just visiting with your neighbors. We were before
gay-rights, computer dating, dual careers, day-care centers,
and group therapy. Our lives were governed by the Ten Commandments,
good judgment and common sense. We were taught to know the difference
between right and wrong, and to stand up and take responsibility for your
actions. Serving your country was a privilege, living here was a bigger privilege.

We thought fast food was what you ate during Lent. Having a
meaningful relationship meant getting along with your cousins. Draft dodgers
were people who closed their front doors when the evening breeze started, time
sharing meant time the family spent together in the evenings and
weekends-not condominiums. We never heard of FM radio, tape decks,
CD's, electric typewriters, artificial hearts, word processors, yogurt or
guys wearing ear rings. We listened to the 'big bands', Jack Benny and the
President's speeches on the radio. I don't ever remember any kid
blowing his brains out listening to Tommy Dorsey.

If you saw anything with 'Made in Japan' on it, it was junk. The term
'making out' referred to how you did on your school exam.Pizza's, McDonald's
and instant coffee were unheard of. We had 5 and 10 cent stores where you
could actually buy things for 5 and 10 cents. Ice cream cones, phone calls,
rides on a street car, and a Pepsi were all a nickel. And if you didn't want
to 'splurge,' you could spend your nickel on enough stamps to mail a
letter and two postcards.

You could buy a new Chevy Coupe for $600, but who could afford one.
Too bad, because gas was 11 cents a gallon. In my day 'grass' was mowed,
'coke' was a cold drink, 'pot' was something your mother cooked in, and 'rock
music' was your grandmother's lullaby. 'Aids' were helpers in the Principal's
office, a 'chip' meant a piece of wood, 'hardware' was found in a hardware store
and software wasn't even a word." We were not before the difference
between the sexes was discovered, but we were surely before the sex change,
'Billy' has two mommy's, and pornography in a family home and at newsstands.

And we were the last generation that was so dumb as to think you
needed a husband to have a baby. No wonder people today call us old and
confused, and there is such a generation gap......and I'm only 54!!!"

Do you work for this company?.....

 Can you imagine working at the following Company? It has a little over
 500 employees with the following statistics: 

 - 29 have been accused of spousal abuse 
 - 7 have been arrested for fraud 
 - 19 have been accused of writing bad checks 
 -117 have bankrupted at least two businesses
 - 3 have been arrested for assault 
 - 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit 
 - 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges 
 - 8 have been arrested for shoplifting 
 - 21 are current defendants in lawsuits 
 - In 1998 alone, 84 were stopped for drunk driving 
 Can you guess which organization this is? Give up? 

 It's the 535 members of your United States Congress. 
 The same group that perpetually cranks out hundreds
 upon hundreds of new laws designed to keep the rest of us in line...
 
Source: The Smokers Club

Genealogist's nightmare

Dear Cousin,
In response to your letter, I am sorry to inform you that grandpa "Fred" died 
some time back and the stuff you asked about is not available. The personal 
property the family did not want was sold at an estate sale. All those boxes 
of junk did not interest a single buyer. 

We were able to salvage several binders for the kids homework after we sent all the 
paper to the incinerator. The kids really complained about having to lug all that 
paper and pictures of those ugly old folks to the Dumpster. An old family Bible 
from the 1840's did bring $ 5.00. The one from the 1870's did not sell.

There also was a bunch of floppy disks that we were able to reformat and download 
some games for the kids to play on their new play station. At least SOMEBODY got 
some good from the three generations work.

I saw the fellow at a flea market a couple of weeks ago and he said he threw the 
Bible in the trash after nobody was interested in it. He said he got an offer for 
fifty cents for it, but would rather burn it than give it away. He seemed to be 
having a lot of success with some very nice Elvis paintings at his booth.

The two aunts you asked about are also dead. They were such a delight and could 
talk all day long about the things papa had written about.

I remember them saying something about some records that were copied from two 
courthouses that later burned.  Neither ever wrote down a single thing.
The letter you referred to was one he typed up and sent to lots of folks who wrote 
him. He laughed about them never getting any of his hard work as well as his Fathers 
and Grandfather who was in the Civil War. He guarded all the information carefully 
to the bitter end.

I wish I could remember some of the things to help you, but I was bored to tears 
listening to them talk about the family members who were in the civil war and those 
silly pieces of paper he showed so proudly. I vaguely remember hey had some beeswax 
seals and something to do with the land grants that were destroyed in the courthouse 
fires. I wish I could remember the story about his grandfather's evening with 
Jefferson Davis when he was on the run.

There are also some very juicy stories that were handed down, but I don't remember 
them very well.

Another thing I remember after he got sick was some fellow calling him and he agreed 
to let him come down and copy all his material. He told him he would call him back 
when he felt better. Papa mentioned something about letting the society the man was 
from have all his work since nobody in the family cared anything about a bunch of 
people who had been dead for 200 years.

Papa died the next week.

I am so sorry papa and the two generations wasted so much of their life on such 
worthless hobbies and hope your family will follow something more interesting. We 
enjoy Bingo and bowling very much here in Pleasantville.

I really enjoyed hearing from a long lost cousin and would like to hear back if you 
find anything important. The kids need the computer for their games and I need to 
watch the "Millionaire" show.

Thank you, Cuz,

Tammy Jean


Note: originally from Tim West, the Scott County, TN Web Page Owner

Gun Refresher Course.....

Subject:       Gun Refresher Course

GUN REFRESHER COURSE
a.. An armed man is a citizen. An unarmed man is a subject.
b.. A gun in the hand is better than a cop on the phone.
c.. Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface.
d.. Gun control is not about guns; it's about control.
e.. If guns are outlawed, can we use swords?
f.. If guns cause crime, then pencils cause misspelled words.
g.. Free men do not ask permission to bear arms.
h.. If you don't know your rights you don't have any.
i.. Those who trade liberty for security have neither.
j.. The United States Constitution (c) 1791. All Rights Reserved.
k.. What part of "shall not be infringed" do you not understand?
l.. The Second Amendment is in place in case they ignore the others.
m.. 64,999,987 firearms owners killed no one yesterday.
n.. Guns only have two enemies: Rust and Politicians.
o.. Know guns, know peace and safety. No guns, no peace nor safety.
p.. You don't shoot to kill; you shoot to stay alive.
q.. 911 - government sponsored Dial a Prayer.
r.. Assault is a behavior, not a device.
s.. Criminals love gun control - it makes their jobs safer.
t.. If Guns cause Crime, then Matches cause Arson.
u.. Only a government that is afraid of it's citizens try to control them.
v.. You only have the rights you are willing to fight for.
w.. Enforce the "gun control laws" in place, don't make more.
x.. When you remove the people's right to bear arms, you create slaves.
y.. The American Revolution would never have happened with Gun

Control.
z. "...a government by the people, for the people..."

PLEASE PASS THIS 'REFRESHER' TO -10- FREE CITIZENS.
VOTE FOR BUSH TO INSURE OUR RIGHT TO BEAR ARMS!

 
  Here are some facts you may not have been aware of.
  
  1. A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.  
  2. A snail can sleep for three years.  
  3. Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.  
  4. Butterflies taste with their feet.  
  5. Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds. Dogs only have about 10.  
  
  6. February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.  
  7. If the population of China walked past you in single file, the line would never end because of the
       rate of reproduction.  
  8. In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.  
  9. Leonard DiVinci invented the scissors.  
  10. No word in the English language rhymes with month.
  
  11. Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.  
  12. Shakespeare invented the word assassination' and 'bump'.  
  13. Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand, lollipop with your right.  
  14. The cruise liner, QE2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.  
  15. The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with.
  
  16. The words 'racecar' and 'kayak' are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left.  
  17. TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on
        one row of the keyboard.  
  18. Women blink nearly twice as much as men.  
  19. If you are an average American, in your whole life, you will spend an average of 6 months
        waiting at a red light.  
  20. In most advertisements, including newspapers, the time displayed on a watch face is 10:10.
  
  21. The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.  
  22. Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks; otherwise it will digest itself.  
  23. There's no Betty Rubble in the Flintstones Chewables.  
  24. There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order:
         abstemious and facetious.  
  25. There is a word in the English language with only one vowel, which occurs five times: indivisibility.
  
  26. The Bible does not say there were three wise men; it only says there were three gifts.  
  27. Did you know that crocodiles never outgrow the pool in which they live?
         That means that if you put a baby croc in an           aquarium, it would be  little for the rest of its life.  
  28. A group of geese on the ground is a gaggle; a group of geese in the air is a skein  
  29. A jiffy is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.  
  30. Pinocchio is Italian for pine eye.
  
  31. The sentence The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog uses every letter of the alphabet.  
  32. The only 15-letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.  
  33. Barbie's full name is Barbara Milicent Roberts.  
  34. It's impossible to lick your elbow.  
  35. On average, a human being will have sex more than 3,000 times and spend two weeks
        kissing in their lifetime.
  
  36. More than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call.  
  37. Rats and horses can't vomit.  
  38. The sixth sick sheiks sixth sheeps sick is said to be the toughest tongue
         twister in the English language...try it!  
  39. Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.  
  40. In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.
  
  41. The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.  
  42. Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.  
  43. A duck's quack doesn't echo anywhere, and no one knows why.  
  44. 23% of all photocopier faults worldwide are caused by people sitting on them and
       photocopying their buttocks.  
  45. In the course of an average lifetime you will, while sleeping, eat 
       70 assorted insects and 10 spiders.(yuck)
  
  46. Most lipstick contains fish scales.  
  47. Cat's urine glows under a black light.  
  48. Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.  
  49. NOW DON'T YOU FEEL SMARTER?
  
  OK, Honestly did you try to lick your elbow?